Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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