I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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