I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
