he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
