I cockslap morals
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
