I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
