Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
