I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i love accidental penises.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
