He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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