On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
