so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
