if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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