There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
