I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
