oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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