Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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