Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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