Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
