i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
