idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
