I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
