You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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