and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
