gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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