Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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