I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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