Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
