He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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