So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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