i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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