Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
