I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
