i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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