you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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