Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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