the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
