I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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