so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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