well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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