am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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