Sry I called you an 8
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
