using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
