Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
