you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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