How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
