I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize