she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
