So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
