So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
