I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
