dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
