ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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