yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
