I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
