Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
