Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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