whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
