So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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