they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I believe in your delicious
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
