i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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