my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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