Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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