Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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