Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
