Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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