just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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