Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
