He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we're making bets on your personal life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
