Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
