i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she looked like the before picture.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
