Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
smell my finger.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
