I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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