i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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