im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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