We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
