I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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