dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
